Today I went to the bank to set up automatic bill payment, and that makes me feel old. Maybe old is to harsh but growing up, I think I've been in denial for a bit all my friends are embarking into the 20's and some are almost done school and really taking off in their personal relationships and becoming a part of civilization and yet, I'm sitting on my bed listening to music and in a rut about what to do. Although my lines of vision have become a little less blurry I'm still unsure about the decision to travel with my sister or not, it seems that it will be pushed to march wich is fine but that's a long ways away so now I think... should I take a fall course you know so I'm some what exposed to that side of the spectrum or should I continue working like a pack mule and having no life and having to book my friends and family in my somewhat organized scheduel. But as those thoughts go trough my mind i'll push them aside as my mind would rather let Damien Rice into my thoughts as I just bought 4 new cds them being metric: old world underground, where are you now?, Damien Rice: O, Feist: Open season, and last and significantly least Avril Lavigne: Best Damn Thing.
Yes my cd choice may seem wierd but to tell you the truth me and Avril are tight went to her concert and I just can't push her away, but I can admit I was a tad disapointed but not overly I just expected,... more.
My other cd's have blown her out of the water. Feist was amazing it's the remixes and collabs so it has artist like K-os and postal services remixing her songs. For example the song mushaboom was re-mastered by FOUR different artist and they all sound different (same words different beat) which is really cool. (well at least to me) so if your interested check it out or let me know. Damien Rice can't really disapoint I've just kind of put it off for awhile so it's been nice and it's making me more subdued and relaxed.
Now the metric Cd I have not listen to it yet. I have their newest one and love it and since I am going to their concert I want to know ALL songs so I went out and got their older one and I've heard some and have no complaints so it should be good.
Now for my facebook rant: Even though I am apart of it I'm unsure about this whole people able to find you it kind of creeps me out when your chem teacher who you didn't really talk to all that much adds you. I'm sorry that is wierd, and second it seems like more of a popularity thing than anything els. But I do like the fact that I can see how intertwined life is and how any people know simliar people that is neat.
Saturday, April 21, 2007
Tuesday, March 20, 2007
studio in a box
These photos are from our family photo shoot titled: relationships because it's all black and white and the lighting is key, yes this is something we do for fun... wierd I know but somehow fun. I took the picture of my mom and dad, I think it's pretty decent. If you ever need a good picture let me know!
Tuesday, January 30, 2007
sleep deprived
This little entry has been a bit overdue I’m sure you guys are sick of looking at my random and nonsense entries about Mario. (Yet I still believe it to be awesome).
So these past couple of weeks have been a tad hectic and I am now able to breathe a bit because I no longer have a math book looming on my back, it’s quite nice although it’s not over yet I’m waiting for the marks back now… I think I should be okay, I hope.
In the middle of all this I also attended the college and career winter retreat at Alberta Beach, which some of you did as well. I enjoyed it although the staying up late was not doing wonders to my sleep pattern. The topic was about joy and prayer in hard situations, “count it all joy” (adventures in odyssey anyone?) it was good I enjoy them even though it’s very hard to push past your own despair, however the one thing that hit me was praying in all situations because it forced me to realized that my prayer life is null except when I need something, scary thought. It’s a hard slap to reality at how many things I put before God. I keep telling myself that I need to get right with God and then everything will fall in place. However this will never happen if I don’t take the steps, drastic or not, to strengthen my beliefs and my ‘relationship’ with God.
I’ve put myself in a rut, with my friends and my job and even with my family. I am satisfied, I should be putting myself in new situations and forcing myself to learn something new as well as meet some new people. I think it is really easy to be comfortable and with that comes seclusion. My mother and I had a good conversation on Sunday about church and how so many people can go unnoticed at Capilano. I remember when I went for about a year and no one came and talked to me. Now I know it is partly my fault because I didn’t really go to any events but even so when I sit somewhere new will someone beside me introduce themselves or will I go unnoticed? It’s a harsh reality to what I’ve become comfortable with ‘our group’ it has almost become exclusive and only certain people are allowed to cross it’s threshold, and really should age take a factor in it? No. I have good conversations and memories with people who are older and younger than myself. You can learn new things about your surroundings and about yourself.
No one seems to share anymore why is that? Are we all worried people may learn of our imperfections or the reality of life? That they’ll air out your dirty laundry in public? That ‘laundry’ has shaped you into who you are today. I’ve learned things about myself that I wouldn’t wish on anyone to go trough but sometimes it happens and you take what you can from it, lift your head up and move on. My mom was telling me about what she learned from a book she was reading, and how she realized how worried we are about ourselves that in reality everyone around us is self involved with themselves that they probably are not worried about your hair or that you have a stain on your clothes, because they are too worried about themselves that they are not paying attention to you because frankly they are doing the same thing as you… worried about what people think. Tough hey? Why do we worry so much about what people think of our outside appearance and the presence we give off? Are we truly acting like ourselves? Last year I gave up on any physical appearance I had because I didn’t want people to look at me with the notion that I looked good, I wanted to look unattractive. Strange how are mind works, if you gain attention that you don’t want you put yourself into a cocoon and even worse you become even more self conscious about everything you wear and say and act that you end up going to the extreme and dress in a bag, avoid all contact, and say nothing that would make people wonder, you do your best to blend in. You could act like yourself and if some people hate you then that’s ok because the people who are left to pick you up are your friends. I am blessed and have been blessed to have a few really good friends who I know I can talk to and ask for help or even a kick in the pants.
I’ve started realize that I put on an act around some of my friends because that’s how they met me and liked me so I want to stay like that so that they will continue to like me. So I have been attempting to change that slowly by toning down a bit because people don’t really take my opinions seriously or my points of view are not really important because it’s just Gail. I also want people to feel like they can come and talk to me and that I am not just fun to be around and nothing more. It’s a struggle and I’m working on it bit by bit. Why live the double life in some case 3 or more.
I have also been sleep deprived since I am on my 8th day of work in a row and I also had to get some stuff for the great over night adventure for youth. Speaking of which went really well but I'm still trying to recover I don't think I have ever stayed awake that long before and then attempted to work with a fogged mind and 4 hours of sleep. Lets just say my attitude is a bit better not snapping at co workers anymore! A thing I learned that night you can't make popcorn in a sitting pot however you can in a frying pan type pot while it is moving.
Sorry about how random and scattered this entry is I think It just kind of came out so if you read this fully I stand and clap to you!
In summary life’s been hectic and it’s starting to slow down a bit so I can think and get some piles cleaned up and finish some projects I have laying around.
- Gail
So these past couple of weeks have been a tad hectic and I am now able to breathe a bit because I no longer have a math book looming on my back, it’s quite nice although it’s not over yet I’m waiting for the marks back now… I think I should be okay, I hope.
In the middle of all this I also attended the college and career winter retreat at Alberta Beach, which some of you did as well. I enjoyed it although the staying up late was not doing wonders to my sleep pattern. The topic was about joy and prayer in hard situations, “count it all joy” (adventures in odyssey anyone?) it was good I enjoy them even though it’s very hard to push past your own despair, however the one thing that hit me was praying in all situations because it forced me to realized that my prayer life is null except when I need something, scary thought. It’s a hard slap to reality at how many things I put before God. I keep telling myself that I need to get right with God and then everything will fall in place. However this will never happen if I don’t take the steps, drastic or not, to strengthen my beliefs and my ‘relationship’ with God.
I’ve put myself in a rut, with my friends and my job and even with my family. I am satisfied, I should be putting myself in new situations and forcing myself to learn something new as well as meet some new people. I think it is really easy to be comfortable and with that comes seclusion. My mother and I had a good conversation on Sunday about church and how so many people can go unnoticed at Capilano. I remember when I went for about a year and no one came and talked to me. Now I know it is partly my fault because I didn’t really go to any events but even so when I sit somewhere new will someone beside me introduce themselves or will I go unnoticed? It’s a harsh reality to what I’ve become comfortable with ‘our group’ it has almost become exclusive and only certain people are allowed to cross it’s threshold, and really should age take a factor in it? No. I have good conversations and memories with people who are older and younger than myself. You can learn new things about your surroundings and about yourself.
No one seems to share anymore why is that? Are we all worried people may learn of our imperfections or the reality of life? That they’ll air out your dirty laundry in public? That ‘laundry’ has shaped you into who you are today. I’ve learned things about myself that I wouldn’t wish on anyone to go trough but sometimes it happens and you take what you can from it, lift your head up and move on. My mom was telling me about what she learned from a book she was reading, and how she realized how worried we are about ourselves that in reality everyone around us is self involved with themselves that they probably are not worried about your hair or that you have a stain on your clothes, because they are too worried about themselves that they are not paying attention to you because frankly they are doing the same thing as you… worried about what people think. Tough hey? Why do we worry so much about what people think of our outside appearance and the presence we give off? Are we truly acting like ourselves? Last year I gave up on any physical appearance I had because I didn’t want people to look at me with the notion that I looked good, I wanted to look unattractive. Strange how are mind works, if you gain attention that you don’t want you put yourself into a cocoon and even worse you become even more self conscious about everything you wear and say and act that you end up going to the extreme and dress in a bag, avoid all contact, and say nothing that would make people wonder, you do your best to blend in. You could act like yourself and if some people hate you then that’s ok because the people who are left to pick you up are your friends. I am blessed and have been blessed to have a few really good friends who I know I can talk to and ask for help or even a kick in the pants.
I’ve started realize that I put on an act around some of my friends because that’s how they met me and liked me so I want to stay like that so that they will continue to like me. So I have been attempting to change that slowly by toning down a bit because people don’t really take my opinions seriously or my points of view are not really important because it’s just Gail. I also want people to feel like they can come and talk to me and that I am not just fun to be around and nothing more. It’s a struggle and I’m working on it bit by bit. Why live the double life in some case 3 or more.
I have also been sleep deprived since I am on my 8th day of work in a row and I also had to get some stuff for the great over night adventure for youth. Speaking of which went really well but I'm still trying to recover I don't think I have ever stayed awake that long before and then attempted to work with a fogged mind and 4 hours of sleep. Lets just say my attitude is a bit better not snapping at co workers anymore! A thing I learned that night you can't make popcorn in a sitting pot however you can in a frying pan type pot while it is moving.
Sorry about how random and scattered this entry is I think It just kind of came out so if you read this fully I stand and clap to you!
In summary life’s been hectic and it’s starting to slow down a bit so I can think and get some piles cleaned up and finish some projects I have laying around.
- Gail
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